Washing Over Me
by I-like-chickens
Summary: Disembodied voices spoke words that I couldn’t catch and hands grasped at me but failed to ground me. I was drowning. ' Bella's birthday party and beyond, AU. Canon pairings, JasperPOV
1. Chapter 1

A/N- Hello! Welcome to my fic! I've never ventured into writing a Twilight fic before but this idea just would not leave me alone and upon writing it down I was somewhat surprised that it actually made sense and I sort of liked it- I hope you do too! This is another story about the aftermath of Bella's birthday in New Moon, but, hopefully, is different to the other stories out there. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer- I own nothing

--

As soon as we were outside I felt the fight drain out of me as the fresh air brought order to my over-stimulated senses. I stopped struggling and let myself go limp in Emmett's grasp.

"Oh, God." I murmured, my mind blank and unwilling to comprehend what I had almost done. The swirl of emotions, disappointment and anger being most prominent, hit me full force. I could feel Emmett's shock at how quickly the situation had gotten out of control and Rosalie's fury as she paced the length of the garden, stalking up and down so quickly that a human would have a hard time following her movements. I could also feel Alice clearly, even though she wasn't outside with us, and her disappointment stung me worse than anything.

Had I let my precious Alice down? I hadn't been able to control myself, hadn't been able to stop myself from launching myself at Bella, the frail human who the whole family now seemed to revolve around, I had let my family down. The emotions made sense- of course they were angry at me, of course they were disappointed. I had just tried to kill the love of my brother's life.

"Oh, God."

I couldn't concentrate on my own emotions at this point, the little control I had had was gone, leaving me open to the full onslaught of everyone else's feelings. It hurt me to know what they were feeling, knowing what I had almost done. I was a monster.

I shuddered and felt an immediate twinge of concern. It made my head spin. Why should anyone feel concern for me?

"Jasper?" Emmett sounded unsure.

"Let me go."

A wave of uncertainty hit me then and I knew he didn't trust me. But then again, why should anyone ever trust me again after what I had just tried to do?

"I won't hurt anyone, I just need to get away."

"I'll come with you."

Rosalie spoke for the first time, "Just let him go, Emmett."

He let go of me then and I stumbled forwards into a run. Within seconds I was nearly a mile from the house.

It was only when I was totally free of everyone's, even Alice's, emotion that I finally stopped, a good couple of hundred miles from the house. I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the ground, cradling my head in my hands.

If I could cry, I probably would have.

Instead, my shoulders shook and my chest heaved. I wanted to be sick. I screamed instead. I wanted to feel physical pain, I wanted punishment and distraction from the emotional turmoil that dominated my entire being.

I had tried to hurt her. Tried to suck her dry like I would have a deer or a bear, like she wasn't even a human being, that she meant nothing to me, she was just another food source.

She was Edward's world, his everything and the one he had waited so long to find, and I had nearly killed her. I was truly a monster.

Even now the thirst burned at my throat as I thought of her, making me feel worse, if that was even possible. The venom pooled in my mouth and I knew I should hunt but I was unable to make myself do so.

Why should I satisfy the hunger that threatened to destroy everything my family had worked so hard for?

Foreign feelings flooded me then and I sat up, suddenly aware of my surroundings.

I wasn't alone.

But, the pattern of emotions was so unlike any of my siblings or my parents that I knew it couldn't be them. Curiosity, pain, love, confidence and desire in one strong wave.

It was then I caught their scent on the wind that caressed my lifeless face. Two, I guessed, unfamiliar. A threat.

I jumped to my feet as the pair emerged from the trees to my left. A male and a female, their hands entwined and smiles tugging at their pale lips, joined me in the small clearing. Both sets of eyes glowed a deep red as they watched me.

I don't know how long we stood there, weighing up one another, and neither party wanting to make the first move. I could feel something coming from them, something that I didn't understand, and it immediately put me on edge.

They were like night and day in appearance. The man was tall and, despite his vampire skin, he had a dark complexion. Mexican, maybe. His hair was midnight black and his features angular. Handsome in a sinister way, his eyes spoke of past cruelties that made my skin crawl.

The woman was fair but rather plain by vampire standards. Her round face was nothing in comparison to the women of my family and her large eyes were vacant. She was shorter than her mate, though not by much, and her frame was well muscled.

They took a step towards me and I snarled at them, a warning to keep their distance. Simultaneously their smiles widened.

"What do you want?" I asked, pushing away the emotions that had plagued me until their arrival.

"You spoiled our game." The female said.

"The humans we had been hunting became frightened at your screaming and turned back to town." The male explained, the soft lilt in his voice confirming my earlier suspicion of his Latin American heritage. "We had spent days working up to this."

"And you ruined everything." The female tiled her head to the side and a wave of unease that I knew to be my own swept through me, mixing with the previous emotions that I had been unable to shake.

"I apologise." I said, holding my head high and forcing myself to calm down. "I'll leave you to your hunt."

The male smirked, "Now, where would the fun in that be?"

Then, suddenly, I was under attack. I cursed under my breath, why hadn't I seen this coming? I had scared away their prey, denied them their food source, it was obvious to me now as I ducked and weaved from their onslaught that they hadn't just wanted a chat. They wanted revenge.

Who was I to deny them that? After what I had done to Bella earlier I deserved nothing less than to be ripped to shreds by a pair of rogue vampires.

I fought back, some part of me not completely resigned to my fate, but I couldn't put up much of a resistance. They were highly skilled, more so than I had believed they would be, and their fists rained down on me like sledgehammers.

I tried to absorb some of the confidence that exuded off of them in waves but it refused to take effect. My body rejected it and instead the flares of disappointment and self-loathing resurfaced.

I gasped, distracted for a few seconds, and the female was suddenly on my back. She wrapped her legs around my waist and, before I could shake her off, she sunk her fangs into my neck. I heard her laugh as she ripped the mouthful of granite flesh from my body.

The venom immediately made its presence known, sending shockwaves of pain throughout my whole body.

And, oh God, it hurt.

She laughed again and this time the male joined in with her, cracking his knuckles as he advanced. But I couldn't really care, I was in too much pain. How I was still standing, I had no idea.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" He smirked. "Anna has extremely potent venom, stronger than any we've come across in others of our kind. Isn't that right, love?"

I couldn't say anything, my whole body felt like it was shutting down.

"Tell him about your venom, Jaime. He'll enjoy that." She whispered this in my ear before grazing her teeth down the side of my face. "Jaime has what we like to call 'miracle' venom."

The smile was wiped from his face and suddenly I was falling forward, I didn't really understand what was happening. Jaime grabbed me and pulled my almost limp body to his chest, my head lolling against his hard chest.

"Kill him!" I heard him scream, his eyes eagerly drinking in the sight before him.

He took my left arm in his strong grip and pulled it to his face, nuzzling at it like a cat would and taking in my scent. I was powerless to resist. The pain from the venom was just too much for me.

He bit me then and I wished I could cry. The combination of his venom mixed with that of his mate sent agony coursing through my entire being.

He withdrew his fangs after a few seconds and I felt a great rush of fear go through me. It wasn't mine, I was beyond feeling anything other than the white hot agony at that moment. It must have been his.

I heard Anna scream and he released me. I was eye level with the ground before I even had chance to blink.

I could hear light footsteps and a whirlwind of emotions ravaged me, I smelt smoke in the air and the comforting scent of my family.

Alice was by my side then, and she rolled me onto my back. I could feel her fear. Was she scared of me? I hadn't done anything...Not really, I had only tried to kill Bella. Her new best friend and her closest brother's girlfriend. Was she scared that I would hurt her?

My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to speak, to apologise, to make futile promises about never hurting her but fire was suddenly coursing through my veins like a lava flow. My muscles started to painfully constrict and I could only let out a soft grunt.

I hope Alice understood.

I continued to fit on the floor, unable to control myself, as the case always seemed to be, and my unnecessary breaths came in short gasps. I was aware of my family crowding around me but all I could see was Alice.

Her beautiful, delicate face. It looked...worried? Why would she be? I was being punished, I was a monster and I deserved nothing but this torture. Couldn't she see that?

"Jasper." I heard another voice growl, the warning clear.

Oh, God. What had I done now? I hadn't spoken, I hadn't tried to move or hurt anyone. Not in the past few minutes, anyway. I had tried to hurt Bella. I had wanted to drink her blood. Oh, God. I'm sick.

The pain increased again and suddenly I found myself struggling against the darkness that threatened to consume me. My eyes began to drift shut, against my will, and I saw Alice's terrified face and I knew I should fight against this agony. I couldn't, I wasn't strong enough.

My world, for the first time in nearly a century and a half, went black.

--

The agony was still there when I awoke, though not as strong as it had been and for that I was thankful.

I was aware of the emotions around me before anything else. Love, happiness and the all consuming calm that tried to hide the tendrils of worry and fear. I wasn't fooled but I wasn't going to complain. These positive emotions were what I needed to fight against the pain that still consumed my body.

It took another few minutes to work out that I was being carried. My head was tucked into a hard chest with a strong arm supporting my back and the other under tucked under my knees. It reminded me of how a parent would carry a sleeping child, like I had once been carried all those years ago. I felt safe in these familiar arms and I could feel the protective instinct almost to the point I could touch it.

"He's awake."

We weren't moving anymore. I found that helped the pain and I was able to pry my eyes open. I blinked against the sudden light that assaulted me and was glad for the green canopy high above that only allowed the occasional beam of light to filter through.

The trees were high but the tops were not unreachable, I decided. I wonder what sight would greet me if I climbed up one? Maybe, Alice would like to join me. I would take her one day and find the highest tree and then jump from the uppermost branches just to feel the free-fall. Would that be enough to rid me of the pain I was feeling? Or would-.

"Jasper."

I blinked again and my gaze fell upon Emmett's smiling face. I let my eyes slide shut again, the sunlight that reflected from Emmett's glittering skin hurt.

"Move out of the light." I heard Edward say.

_Thank you_, I said with my mind, not entirely trusting my voice to speak.

"Its okay, Jasper." Edward said. "You're safe to open your eyes."

I did as he said and was thankful that it didn't hurt.

Emmett wasn't smiling anymore, he felt guilty. I pulled at the happiness that had enveloped me until a few moments ago and pushed it at him. I wasn't angry at him, I wasn't angry at anyone. Were they still angry with me? They had saved me...

"No one's angry at you." Edward murmured, not looking at me. "You acted on instinct, it wasn't your fault."

I nodded, though I didn't really accept it. I knew that nothing anyone said would stop me blaming myself. But, at that moment, what I had nearly done to Bella didn't seem so important. Everything was wrong.

I had been unconscious. Vampires didn't just black out, no matter how strong the venom was, and the weakness I was feeling now wasn't right. I shouldn't be here, nestled safely in Emmett's big, strong arms...

"Put me down." I ordered, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

I heard Edward chuckle as Emmett did as he was told, steadying me when it seemed that my knees were going to buckle.

Alice was at my side immediately, her hands touching me everywhere at once, checking that I really was still in one piece.

"I'm okay." I told her, trying to ignore the sting of her worry as it rolled into me.

"Like hell you are." She said, taking my hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. Her eyes were accusatory, "You scared me."

"I'm okay." I repeated, wanting nothing more than to drop her hand. Through contact the pain her worry caused increased but I didn't want to upset her. The other pain I had felt when I had awoken was a shadow of its former self and I was glad. This new pain was nothing compared to the absolute agony I had felt.

Rosalie was at my other side in an instant and she hooked an arm through mine, pulling Alice and I into a steady run, "Let's get you home, brother."

I was grateful for her then, the waves of calm she exuded flooding my senses. Rosalie, despite her constant temper tantrums and her vanity, was, surprisingly, a master of emotions and my anchor whenever I felt myself slipping. She was the only person other than Alice that I let myself rely upon. I had increasingly found myself loving her more than my sisters by blood, and what had once been a terrifying thought, now soothed me. I knew Rosalie would be there for me until the end of eternity.

"I need to get Bella home." Edward murmured, so low that I almost missed it.

"Bella?" I asked, stopping. "She's still there?"

Anger shot through me, stabbing at my insides, and suddenly I saw red.

"She's still in our house?!" I suddenly roared, unable to control the fury that boiled. "Infecting it with her stench, making it so hard not to-."

"Jasper." Alice whispered, tugging at my arm. Her worry combined with the anger made the pain in my stomach worse.

"No, Alice." I didn't look at her. "He needs to know how hard he's making it! Home is the only place we have, Edward! If we can't let ourselves go there then where do we have?"

Edward turned away and I could feel him trying to calm himself. I struggled from my wife and sister's grip, wanting nothing more than to rip off his head (didn't he _understand _what it was like not to be able to let go for even a second?), but as soon as I was free the anger faded and I fell to the mossy floor.

I took huge gulps of unneeded air, the sudden lack of emotion and pain leaving me shocked.

It then struck me what I said and I scrabbled to my feet, lacking any of my usual grace, and rushed to Edward.

"I'm sorry!" I said, my voice shaking. I felt disorientated and all control over my emotions I had had until this evening had disappeared. "Oh, God!"

Emmett grabbed me from behind before I could touch Edward and he pulled me to his chest. Calm flooded through me and I let myself collapse into my larger brother's grasp, grateful for him.

"You aren't angry." He said to me. "You didn't mean to say those things."

"No." I agreed. I opened my mouth to try and explain my hateful, horrible words but I couldn't.

"Rosalie." Edward murmured, fixing his eyes on her, as realisation rolled from him.

She met his gaze with a raised eyebrow, silently challenging him to say something. I didn't understand but I'm not too sure that I wanted to, I just wanted to feel peace.

"He's sensitive." Emmett told them. "So keep level-headed, okay?"

Alice was there then, her small hands cupping my face as she looked into my eyes, "They're stronger than before, aren't they?"

I nodded. The anger had not been mine but rather Rosalie's and it had been enough to send me into a rage. I couldn't remember a time when I have been so out of control of the emotions around me, I didn't understand. Had it something to do with the venom? Jaime had boasted about the pain his mate's venom could cause. Maybe the sensitivity of one's ability was another side-effect? But, what about Jaime's venom? The so-called 'miracle' venom, what was that capable of? The idea scared me more than I would ever be willing to admit.

"Did you kill them both?" I asked, all of a sudden desperate to know.

"The male escaped." Emmett admitted and disappointment permeated the calm. "Alice wouldn't let me go after him."

She rolled her eyes, "It wouldn't have ended well."

Emmett ignored her and set me down on my wobbly legs, "Can you walk?"

I nodded again, not comfortable with the weakness that had grown as the pain of the venom had faded. I took a few cautious steps before breaking out into a run. I was nowhere near my usual speed but still faster than a human, it was all I could manage. I ignored the concern that floated at me and the twinges of pain that accompanied it.

We didn't speak again until we reached the house but I was too exhausted to really care. My whole body trembled with the exertion of the journey home and I felt sick to my stomach.

Both Alice and Rosalie were at my side, each taking an arm and guiding me towards the backdoor.

It was dark now. I had barely noted the passage of time, all I could concentrate on was the calm and the fatigue I felt. It was alien to me after such a long passage of time and the call of sleep was terrifying. Vampires didn't need rest. What was happening to me?

"It's okay, Jasper." Edward said as he disappeared into the house. "Everything will be okay."

I was leaning more heavily on my wife and sister and they had just managed to get me to the couch before my legs gave out from under me. Alice still gripped my hand as I curled into myself.

"Jasper?" The terror Alice radiated caused agony once again, though, her confusion dimmed it somewhat.

My arms wound their way around my stomach, the area where the pain seemed to concentrate, and I clenched my eyes closed. I could feel the new emotions in the room. Shock. Worry. Fear. They, too, assaulted me and I couldn't help the whimper of pain that escaped.

"Please." I moaned, not able to cope with the renewed agony so close after the last. This was like nothing I had ever felt before, somehow stronger than it had been in the forest- the swirling emotion that surrounded me making everything spin.

There was movement around me and a pair of gentle hands deftly checked me but I was oblivious to everything but the constant stream of white hot agony. I think I may have gone into convulsions again but I couldn't be sure, I couldn't be sure of anything apart from at some point I must have blacked out again.

--

A/N- What did you think? Liked it? Loathed it? Want another chapter? Please review and let me know!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- Thanks for your wonderful reviews! I really appreaciate them so in return I'm posting the next chapter for you guys- I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimer- I own nichts.

--

"How is he doing?"

"Better, I think. He hasn't had a fit for nearly four hours now."

"The venom?"

"It's fading."

"Will he be okay?"

There was an awkward pause in the steady whispers that caressed me into waking but I couldn't bring myself to be worried. I didn't really understand what they were talking about anyway.

"Has Alice been able to see anything?"

"No."

"What does that mean?"

"I honestly don't know. She hasn't stopped trying and probably won't until she sees something. I've never seen her so worried."

"Are you surprised?"

"No."

There was silence again and I used this opportunity to pry my eyes open, blinking rapidly when the light hit them. The voices didn't seem to notice, continuing on with their conversation.

"Edward went to see Bella." My eyes focused upon Esme, her back to me and her caramel covered hair shining softly in the sunshine which streamed in through the window. "I think he needed a break."

I could see Carlisle nodding, his eyes fixed on his wife's face, "I'm sure that none of our thoughts have been easy for him."

"The poor thing." She murmured, leaning her head against Carlisle's hard chest. "Why does life have to be so difficult?"

Carlisle kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her and I felt almost guilty for intruding on such a private moment between my adoptive parents. Their love was strong and coursed through my body, spreading a pleasant warmth that I clung to with all my might.

I let out a contented sigh, happy to be at peace.

"Jasper?" Carlisle asked, at my side in a split second. "How are you feeling, son?"

"Fine." I answered truthfully. "Where's Alice?"

I pushed myself up in the bed and settled myself back against the pillows, not quite sure if I should try getting out of bed yet. There was no pain and I was no longer tired, I felt as if I was back to normal. I was relieved, I didn't like feeling weak.

"She should be here in-." Carlisle didn't get chance to finish, my arms were suddenly full of my trembling wife.

"Alice." I murmured, lovingly brushing a stray lock of hair from her perfect face, not taking any notice of Esme as she re-entered the room or of Emmett and Rosalie as they approached the bed, hand in hand. "I'm okay."

"How can you be sure?" She asked, her eyes searching mine. "I can't see anything."

"I just know." I told her and I did.

Everything that had been wrong was now right and I had never felt at such ease with myself or my surroundings. I was happy.

She looked at me with a dubious expression and I shrugged my shoulders, "Now, would I, a respectable southern gentleman, lie to you?"

"No." She conceded after a moment's thought, her expression brightening. "You wouldn't."

"Damn straight." I grinned and her lips met mine for the briefest of seconds.

"I don't understand." Emmett said. "He spends the whole night writhing in agony and suddenly he's fine again?"

It was Carlisle's turn to shrug, "I don't understand either, Emmett, but I'm just glad that he's alright again."

"I wasn't saying I'm not glad." Emmett's words tumbled over one another in their haste to escape from his mouth and he fixed me with his bright, topaz eyes. "Because, I am, bro. I mean, Edward wouldn't arm wrestle me nearly as much as you do or play with me on the play station or would have taken the blame for breaking that vase last week-."

"That was you, Emmett?" Esme sounded outraged.

"-Or a whole load of other things. But-."

"What?" I asked, feigning hurt. "Aren't you going to tell me how much you love me?"

"Shut up." He reached over and hit me around the back of the head, none too gently. His grin faded. "You were unconscious, Jasper, dead to the world. That isn't normal."

"It was the venom." I told them all, looking at each of their faces. "When the female bit me, I've never felt such pain and then the male bit me, too. I don't know..." I trailed off. "The combination of both of their venoms must have been enough to do that."

"But you passed out." Emmett argued.

"Jaime, the male, said his venom worked miracles." I smiled, though it lacked any humour.

There was silence amongst my family at this and I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I didn't like being the centre of everyone's attention.

Rosalie sat down on the bed next to me and slipped her smaller hand into my own, "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Aren't we all?" Esme sat on the edge of the bed to my right and brushed some of my hair from my face.

Alice grinned at me from her position in my lap, her eyes twinkling.

Emmett crossed his arms over his chest and let out a mock-angry grunt, "If I had known it only took a couple of bites to get the women swarming all over me then I would have tried it out decades ago."

I stuck my tongue out at him, picking up on his good mood, and he laughed.

Alice's eyes glazed over for a split second and her grin widened, "Edward is bringing Bella over."

"What?" I asked, shocked. I was able to ignore Rosalie's brief flash of anger, despite our physical contact.

"She wants to see how you're doing." Alice told me. "She was terrified when we brought you home last night, she thought it was her fault."

"What?" I asked again. "She blamed _herself_? After what I had almost done-."

"She had forgiven you before Emmett had even dragged you from the room." Alice whispered, her expression softening. "She doesn't blame you for what happened."

I nodded, though, it was a difficult concept to grasp. I had almost killed her, had wanted to rip her to shreds, and she had forgiven me. I hadn't forgiven myself yet.

"I think I should go hunting." I was scared I wouldn't be able to control myself around her.

Alice looked torn, I knew she wanted to be with me but she also wanted to see Edward and Bella. I knew how much she loved them both.

"You can stay here, I'll be okay by myself for a couple of hours."

"I don't think that's wise." Carlisle spoke for the first time in a while. "You should take someone with you, just in case the venom hasn't completely gone."

"I'll go." Rosalie squeezed my hand and fixed me with a smile. "I'm sure that Bella won't care if I'm here or not."

"Thank you." I said to her as she stood.

Alice removed herself from my lap and pulled me out of bed, "They'll be here soon."

She seemed to understand that I couldn't face seeing Bella and I was grateful.

My legs were sturdy as I took my first steps in hours and Alice's worry was unfounded.

She entwined her fingers with mine and looked up into my eyes and I let her emotions flood into me. The concern and love she exuded was overwhelming and I found myself closing my eyes and concentrating on only her. In turn I opened myself to her, letting her feel just how much I felt for her in return.

She let out a soft sigh and I smiled. We didn't need the physical intimacy that Rosalie and Emmett did or the shared words of Carlisle and Esme, just being this open with one another was enough.

"I'm fine." I told her again, kissing her quickly. "I'll only be gone for a few hours."

"Then we can spend the rest of the day together." It wasn't a question.

I grinned, pulling her to me, "Of course."

--

"Tell me," Rosalie started as we began on our return journey home a few hours later, running at a leisurely pace. "Why don't you talk about your human family?"

I looked at her and tried to pick out exactly what she was feeling but there was nothing more than curiosity there, nothing to put me on edge but I felt myself tense up anyway.

I tried to reason with myself. This was Rosalie, my beautiful, adoptive sister, someone who knew me almost as well as I knew myself and someone who would never intentionally hurt me. Though, I wasn't about to make things easy for her.

"Why do you ask?"

She raised an eyebrow at me, "How long have you been living with us, Jasper?"

I shrugged, "Fifty years, give or take."

"Exactly." She said, slowing to a stop. "In all that time I've never heard you talk about your human family."

I matched her, "So?"

"Honestly? It's not fair." She was trying to keep her annoyance in check. "You know everything there possibly is about me- my human family, how I was turned, what I'm feeling at any given moment. You _know_ all this but there's still so much I want to know about _you_."

I smiled, covering up the slight guilt that stabbed at me, "You're right."

She smirked, suddenly triumphant, "Of course I am."

"What do you want to know?" I asked, scaling a tree and perching on a branch near the top.

Rosalie wasn't too far behind me, "Tell me about your family. What were your parents like? Did you have any brothers? Sisters?"

"That's a lot of questions, Rose."

"Just answer them."

I rolled my eyes but complied, "I was born in 1843 near Houston, the youngest child of George and Elizabeth Whitlock."

"You were the baby?" She asked, surprised. "I definitely thought you were older brother material."

I laughed, "No. I was the youngest, spoilt rotten and babied beyond belief. I was a bit of a brat growing up, my sisters especially let me get away with anything. All it took was a couple of tears and a pout and they were like putty in my hands." I laughed again. "I suppose they all felt sorry for me."

"Why's that?" She asked.

I hesitated before speaking because even after all these years the pain and guilt was still there, "I was a lot younger than the others, Ella was nearly 8 when I was born. My mother was old, reaching her forties and had been ill for some time. I think I was the nail in her coffin."

I paused, taking in Rosalie's expression.

"I don't think Ella forgave me for taking her mother away, not for a long time." Her face flashed to the forefront of my mind and my heart clenched painfully. "But the others, they raised me."

"What about your Dad?"

"He was busy with the plantation, he didn't have time for a baby. Especially not one who had stolen his wife away." I smiled, bitterly. I had never had a good relationship with him. "He died when I was 11 but that didn't really matter, not when I had my older siblings to look after me."

"How many of them were there?" She asked.

"Two brothers, six sisters." I told her, grinning as her eyes widened.

"Wow." She breathed. "I suppose you never had a second of peace."

I nodded, I didn't really. Especially not when they had started getting married and having children. Though, the old farm house in which I had been born still seemed to be the centre of activity, even when my older siblings moved out, they still all worked on the farm and their children idled away their afternoons playing in the fields as their parents worked.

I was never really close with any one of them, they were all younger than me by a few years and by the time the oldest of the group could walk and talk I was going to school in the nearby town and had little time for them.

I was always treated differently from them, always coddled but allowed more freedom than any of my nephews or nieces ever received. Only Annie, the eldest of my siblings and the only one, which I knew of, never to marry, was able to be firm with me. She was the closest thing I got to a mother until I joined the Cullen family and I think I loved her most.

"What were their names?" Rosalie asked, eager to know more.

"Annie, Nathan, Theodore, Grace, Lydia, Kate, Hattie and Ella." I breathed, surprised how easy their names rolled off of my tongue. Even after all these years.

I then told her about each one, explaining their personalities and quirks. How Theodore wouldn't answer to anything other than TJ and Lydia's temper tantrums which were epic enough to rival even Rosalie's and the shy Hattie who more than made up for her lack of words with her acts of kindness. I told her the stories of my childhood and shared with her the emotions I had felt. The sadness that had consumed the family when I was four- the beautiful Grace dying giving birth to twin boys that didn't make it through their first hour and the horrible feeling of loss as sickness spread through our town, taking some of my younger nephews and nieces with it. But I also spoke of the joy of my early years, the games I'd play, seeing how far I could push my luck, and the weddings and birthdays that seemed to happen every other week in my large family.

I explained how everything changed when the war broke out. How the men of my town started disappearing to fight and my family became increasingly tense. Ella and Hattie's husbands, a pair of brothers, joined the army. I remember feeling the urge to join them, to protect my family but also prove to them I was no longer a baby but a man. I had thought long and hard about my decision and even as I had snuck out of the house I had felt uncertainty.

"Naturally, Annie caught me. She had probably known what I was going to do even before I had known myself." I told Rosalie. "I was leading my horse from the stables when I spotted her, standing on the porch and watching the only road that led to town from our farm.

"'Ya runnin' away, boy?' She had called, staring at me so intently I was sure she wouldn't notice if the house burned down on top of her. 'Ya not happy here, huh?'"

It was still so simple to slip back into my Texan accent, I found I had missed it.

"'Of course I am, Annie. Ya know that but-.'

"'But, what? We're not good enough for ya anymore?'

"She was angry, angrier than I had ever seen her before. Her whole body shook as she marched down the porch steps and to me. She squared up to me and looked me straight in the eye and said- 'Jasper Whitlock, if ya thinkin' about runnin' away and joinin' the fight then ya are more than a fool than I thought you was.'

"'Annie, I need to do this. Please.' I argued with her.

"'Why? So ya can go and get yaself killed? I didn' spend all these years raisin' ya just fo' ya t' get yaself killed in some war that doesn' concern ya.'

"'Annie, I'm not a kid anymore. Can't ya see? I'm nearly 17, I'm a man now.' I remember gritting my teeth and staring her straight back in the eyes. I don't know how long we stood there, just staring at one another but after a long while she surprised me, bursting into tears and pulling me into her arms.

"'I know ya are.' She said to me, kissing me on the cheek. 'Now go before I change my mind and call Nathan down to wrestle you back in the house, okay?'

"I dipped my head and said, 'Thank you, ma'am.'"

I paused and refused to meet Rosalie's eyes.

"She said to me as she wiped away her tears, 'You better come back in one piece, ya hear?'I kissed her on the cheek and mounted my horse. I left without looking back. That was the last time I saw any of my family."

I could feel the sadness rolling off Rosalie in waves, doubling my own. This was why I didn't speak about them, the memories were still too fresh for me and it hurt.

"Have you told Alice about them?" She asked me, reaching across and touching my shoulder uncertainly.

"No, you're the only person I've spoken about them to." I smiled as I felt a spike of happiness from Rosalie break through the sadness, she was pleased that she had been the one I shared that part of my past with.

"You should tell her when you're ready. They sounded like an amazing group of people." She smiled at me and I found myself nodding.

"They were."

She frowned then and I could feel her uncertainty again, stronger than before but tinged with something. Desire.

I smiled, reading her easily, "Just ask, Rose."

She smiled, hesitantly, "Do you love them?"

"Of course." I answered without thought. Even though it had been so long since I had last seen any of my family the love I felt for them still surged through me strongly.

"More than you love us?"

I heard her unasked question, _'More than you love me?'_

"They were my family, Rosalie, and I still love them very much but it was a long time ago." I reached to her and laced my fingers with hers, the physical touch heightening the strength of her emotions, and let her feel my love for her. "But I have a new family and a new sister who I love above all others. Rosalie, you know this."

Her smile widened, "I do."

We sat there for a few moments, just _feeling_, before Rosalie pulled away.

"Its dark." She said, looking around.

And it was. I panicked immediately, knowing Alice's earlier worry and her current lack of foresight, and jumped from the tree.

"Oh, crap." I mumbled, ignoring Rosalie's laughter. "I'm going to be in so much trouble."

She laughed again, louder.

"This isn't funny." I told her as I started sprinting in the direction of home.

I could hear her behind me, "No, but the look on your face was hilarious."

I just rolled my eyes and put on an extra spurt of speed, not wanting to waste another second in getting home. It wasn't a good idea to keep Alice waiting.

--

A/N- What do you think? I'm not too sure about the Rosalie bit but I like her relationship with Jasper, though I'm not sure about the whole thing- feedback on this would be greatly appreaciated! The next chapter will be more exciting than this one, it all kicks off in the third chapter! Until next time, guys!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- I realise that the last chapter was a little boring so I decided not to stall any further and put up this one- I hope you enjoy it. Special thanks to HiddenKoala, Sachita, Anonymous Sister of the Author and vampirelover44 (thank you so much for your lovely review- I just wish I could've replied to you personally! I, too, like Cullen family fics and I'm definitely going to write more Cullen-ness into the fic).

Disclaimer- Nothing, I own. Yessssss.

--

The next few days passed quickly in a haze of Alice and waiting for her to return from school. I could feel her need to spend time with me and the worry she still felt, even though I had proved I was fine. All I wanted to do was make her realise this, I hadn't felt any pain since waking on Carlisle and Esme's bed. There was nothing wrong with me.

My family were still wary around me, sneaking worried glances at me when they didn't think I would notice, and they were careful to make sure I was never alone. It was annoying but I understood and I didn't complain.

Alice was still having trouble with her visions and it made her nervous. She had never had trouble watching my future before but now it didn't matter how much she concentrated- she could see nothing for me. Even looking into the future of the rest of our family wasn't enough to catch a glimpse of me.

She had spoken extensively with Edward who admitted to having troubles of his own. My thoughts were nothing more than the faintest of a whisper to him and he struggled to distinguish them from the others. This had worried Alice and the rest of the family further but I was only confused. I felt no different to how I had before the encounter with the two nomad vampires.

It was strange for me, and slightly disconcerting, to suddenly have such privacy. That wasn't to say I wasn't worried, because I was, but I didn't want to dwell on the negatives. Not while I had the chance to surprise Alice.

Naturally, she hated it.

I took to picking her up from school and taking her to random places- driving for hours, her anticipation filled the car with electricity, and her endless questions and wheedling to discover our destination was a totally new experience for me. I loved every moment of it, even if she didn't.

She was devious, my beautiful little wife, and wasn't above using any means necessary to extract information from me. One more than one occasion her wandering hands had nearly caused my concentration on the road to slip.

Today, though, was different.

She sat quietly in the car, lost in her own thoughts and her face troubled. She hadn't once asked where we were going and the emotion that seeped from her didn't fit her usual pattern of feeling. She was frustrated and anxious, distracted. She didn't notice when I pulled the car over.

I cupped her cheek and tilted her head so her eyes met mine.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

Her eyes glazed over momentarily before she blinked, "What?"

Worry gnawed at me and I knew it was my own, I pushed it back though and repeated my question.

Alice blinked again and sighed, "I was looking into Edward's future and I saw something-." She broke off.

"Alice." I whispered, hoping that my soft tone would be enough to both calm her and give her the strength to speak about what she had seen.

"There's going to be an accident at school, a big one. There's so much smoke and there are so many people just screaming. I'm with Edward, we're trying to find Bella, we go out into the parking lot and there are ambulances and police everywhere. We can't find her and then Edward runs to one of the ambulances and it all stops there. I can't see anything else."

I stroked her cheek to calm her but I refrained from using my powers, knowing she would ask if she wanted my assistance, "Do you think something is going to happen to Bella?"

She nodded, "It's the only thing it can be. I've been trying all afternoon but it doesn't matter how much I concentrate, I just can't get any further with it."

I felt her frustration increase along with her feelings of self-doubt and I struggled to distance myself from them, "Should we go home?"

"I think Edward should know." She pressed her lips against mine for the briefest of seconds before pulling away from me completely. "We'll have to be quick, he plans on visiting Bella."

It was my turn to nod and we were soon heading back up the highway.

We made good progress, speeding past other unsuspecting motorists and quite possibly scaring some of them half to death. It was interesting to feel their jolt of shock, nearly making me start from surprise as they had done, before we were out of range.

It was unsettling; I had never experienced something like this before, usually the emotions of those in the cars we passed were inaccessible. I was a little concerned but said nothing, I didn't want Alice to start worrying about me again. She already had enough to worry about.

So, we drove in silence, her eyes glazed over and my face set in a calm mask. We were both concentrating but on entirely different things- she was trying to push her powers into telling her what she wanted to know while I was trying to repress my own.

"Jasper?" She said as we neared home.

"Yes?" I turned to meet her eyes.

"I would have loved it." Her love rolled into me, so strong and familiar but fresh and new at the same time.

"You saw?"

"No..." She trailed off and gave me the smile that she used only for me. "But I _always_ love everything you do for me."

I took her small hand in mine and gave it a squeeze, letting her feel my love for her. Her smile brightened and we said nothing else because this was enough.

--

"You think something is going to happen to Bella." Edward said as soon as we entered the house, his panic hitting me like a sledgehammer. "You think she's going to get hurt."

I let go of Alice's hand and closed the front door behind us before leaning against it, suddenly needing its support.

Alice walked calmly to Edward and took his hands in hers, "I can't be sure."

Her eyes glazed over as she showed her vision to our brother, their words had caused the rest of the family to join us in the entrance hall and they stood watching with curiosity and concern seeping from them in waves. Even Rosalie, though she kept her mask of contempt firmly in place.

As the vision progressed I could feel his emotions whipping around him, like a whirlpool, as he struggled to understand what he saw and what it meant for Bella. He was terrified, confused, worried, protective and so horribly _sad_ at the same time that I felt my knees buckle as I slid to the floor.

It was too much, I was feeling too much and I didn't know how to stem the emotions that flowed into me. Emotions that shouldn't be affecting me so badly, these emotions weren't mine. They shouldn't _hurt _the way they were doing. Not physically but still so raw and strong, hitting me again and again in fresh waves.

I felt like I was going to explode.

I covered my eyes with my hands and prayed for it all to stop but the onslaught continued, unrelenting. Disembodied voices spoke words that I couldn't catch and hands grasped at me but failed to ground me. I was drowning.

Then, it stopped.

I was empty. I was free. I could breathe.

The unnecessary action brought back comforting smells and cemented me back into reality. The scent of my family washed over me and I let out a soft sigh.

I could breathe.

"Jasper?"

I let my hands be pulled away from eyes but couldn't make myself look up. Not yet, not while I was still fighting just to make sense of things.

Why had the emotions overwhelmed me like that? Why had they been able to plough into me with such ease? Where had my control gone, my buffer zone?

I almost laughed. Control. I didn't have control. Did I?

No, I was Jasper. The weak link. The one most likely to slip up. It was inevitable, it was always the same, I couldn't change it. It was my fault. I had no control. It was my fault. But, could I have stopped it? Inevitable? What did that even mean? Ineffable.

"Jasper."

I blinked and allowed my chin to be tilted up. Alice's concerned eyes locked with my own and I let her concern and worry wash over me, because, somehow, it was better than the confusion and self-loathing that tugged at my insides.

"I'm okay." I murmured, knowing she needed to hear the words. "I'm okay, I just-."

I broke off, not knowing quite what to say. I had no explanation. I didn't know what had happened, why my control had deserted me so easily, only that the emotions had consumed me and enveloped me in pain.

"I don't know." I finished, quietly, after a few moments. I hadn't broken eye contact with Alice and I could feel the fear that bubbled in the pit of her stomach- or was it my own? I didn't know what was happening and I was suddenly just so _tired_ that my very soul seemed to cry out from exhaustion.

My eyes fluttered shut but I didn't pass out, not again, not yet, not while there was such fear and worry and confusion floating around the room, but, it was weak, barely there and so distant, the total opposite of only minutes before, and I didn't understand any of it.

"Jasper?" The voice was far away as I slipped into the dark void of mortal sleep.

--

I woke with a gasp what could have only been minutes later, my mind still foggy and my limbs heavy from exhaustion, and my heart pounding in my chest.

I felt so empty, as if all emotion had been stripped from me, and I didn't know if I should cry or scream or do anything at all. I was just so _hollow_. It was an alien feeling to me after all these years of life, if it could have been called that, the century and a half spent as one of the undead, infused with the feelings of others. Now, I felt nothing.

It should have scared me, I know that. But, there was something else nagging at me, driving me insane just like the soft, rhythmic bleeping to my left, stealing my attention and telling me that this whole situation was wrong.

I shouldn't be alone, I knew that much, and I shouldn't be feeling so empty and the room, upon looking around, shouldn't be so strange and white and filled with odd machines, never mind the way my heart beat madly in my chest. Wait- my heart?

I shot up in bed, letting out a shout of surprise, and struggled from the bed. The tube that had been connected to my arm was ruthlessly pulled loose on my descent to the cold, tiled floor, making me cry out from the pain, and blood leaked from the wound.

Blood.

Blood from my arm.

Wet, warm, red blood.

I was bleeding.

But-?

My mind shut down, unable to comprehend what my eyes were seeing.

"Mr Hale?" I hadn't heard anyone approach and that was enough to pull me from my stupor.

My head immediately snapped round to the woman stood in the doorway and I couldn't help but scrabble away from her as she approached me. I wasn't thinking straight, I knew I wasn't, but all I could think of was the blood that was pumping through my veins and dribbling down my arm and how I shouldn't be here in this weird room, not alone.

"Are you-?" She begun but I didn't let her finish.

"Where's Alice?" I demanded, though it sounded weak, even to my own ears. "Where am I? Where are my family?"

"You're in the hospital, honey, you've been very ill." She told me, smiling kindly and edging ever closer.

"Don't." I told her, my eyes impossibly wide and my whole body shaking. I was having trouble breathing, not used to my body's sudden demand for it as my chest heaved. "Don't come any closer."

I don't know what I was scared of, the women herself wasn't frightening and I recognised the uniform she wore was a hospital worker's, a Nurse. Maybe the fact that this was the first time I had stepped foot inside a hospital since I had been human was what was making me react like this- the military hospital I'd had to stay in a century and a half ago, recovery from a gunshot wound to the arm, had been a foul place full of death and suffering. It had terrified me then, at the age of seventeen, seeing my friends and comrades dying around me, but I had learnt since that there were fates worse than death.

No, I knew what terrified me- my heart was beating madly in my chest, blood pumped through my veins and I breathed. I was alive, I was human again.

"Jasper?"

My eyes immediately sought out the speaker, knowing he'd have answers.

"Carlisle." I managed to gasp, still not managing to fill my lungs with a sufficient amount of oxygen.

He was at my side in an instant and I collapsed into his arms, not caring that he lifted me like a small child and seated me back on the bed.

"It's okay, Jasper," he murmured, "Just breathe, okay? Just like I'm doing. In and out."

I wanted to grasp at his calm and use it for myself but I couldn't, I couldn't and it scared me. I couldn't ground myself, not like before, and that made catching my breath harder than ever before.

"Listen to me, Jasper, I need you to calm down- you're having a panic attack." He hadn't released me from his arms and my head rested against his chest, rising and falling with every breath he took. He ran his fingers through my hair and rubbed soothing circles on my back. "Everything's okay, just breathe."

I had to force myself to breathe in time with my Father, just concentrating on every inhalation of air instead of the million thoughts that vied for attention in my head. In and out, in and out. That's all I had to concentrate on.

I don't know how long it took but breathing became easier and I felt myself relaxing into Carlisle's solid chest. I didn't have the energy to move away.

"What happened?" I asked, fighting the sleep that now tried to overpower me. I was determined to get answers.

"Would you be able to give us a few minutes, please?" Carlisle asked and I heard the soft squeak of shoes on the tiled floor as the Nurse left us, shutting the door behind herself.

Glad of our privacy, I opened my mouth to speak, I had so many questions that needed answering, but the words confused themselves in my mouth until the only thing that escaped was, "I'm human."

Carlisle nodded as he lay me back down in the bed, "The transformation started taking place four days ago- you passed out again, do you remember?"

I nodded as his hands moved at inhuman speed, wiping away the blood that had run down my arm and reinserting the tube, giving me a sympathetic smile when I hissed in pain.

"We didn't understand what was happening at first." His words were so quick and quiet that I barely understood them, "It was like you were asleep but it was so deep that we couldn't wake you- then, during the night, the seizures began and you started to breathe."

He paused, looking at me with wide eyes, "You started breathing, Jasper, and your heart started beating. You were alive."

I nodded, not comprehending the emotions that were so clearly displayed on Carlisle's face, exhaustion making the most simple of tasks impossible, but there was no way I could escape his words.

"Your body started shutting down after that, there was no choice to bring you here."

"The venom of that vampire, it did this to me?" I asked, my mind strangely blank and I stifled a rebellious yawn. I didn't want to sleep now, I needed answers. "It made me human."

"Yes, I think so." Carlisle pulled me to his chest in a hug and I stiffened in his cold, granite arms, unintentionally flinching at his touch, my mind refusing to process that this was Carlisle, my father for all intents and purposes, and he wouldn't hurt me. "We were so worried, Jasper, and so scared. We thought-."

He cut himself off and I finished his sentence in my mind. They thought I might die.

My sudden vulnerability made my head spin and I felt myself sag against Carlisle, needing the protection and safety he offered. I wasn't tired anymore. I wasn't anything. I was empty.

I didn't realised I was speaking until I was gasping for breath from my rush of words, "I can't feel anything. There's nothing and I can't, Carlisle, I don't know- I can't feel anything. What you're feeling, I just, I..." My words trailed off here and my last words were nothing more than a sob as I tried to communicate my lack of empathy. "I can't feel anything."

"It's okay." He murmured, his soothing voice repeating the words a hundred times over. "Everything will be fine."

I hanged on his words, needing to believe them because, God, I was just so scared and out of control. I needed Alice. My beautiful wife. I needed her to ground myself, to stop my world from spinning out my grasp. I needed her so badly. Why wasn't she here?

"Alice," I sobbed, not caring that I had broken down into real and overpowering sobs that shook my whole body, the first tears in _so long_ rolling down my cheeks.

I almost didn't catch Carlisle's momentary pause in his soft words. Almost.

I froze, looking up at Carlisle with wide, wet eyes, "Alice? Something has happened to-."

"No!" He cut me off, "She's fine, she's okay. I promise."

"Why isn't she here?" I choked out, relieved that she okay but still incredibly confused by her absence. Was she repulsed by my new mortality? Did she think- could she think-?

Carlisle looked uneasy and took a deep, unnecessary breath before speaking, "You're her singer."

I pulled myself from his arms and avoided looking into his eyes, choking out, "I need to be alone."

"Jasper-."

"Get out. Now."

"Son, we need-."

"Get out!" I all but screamed, not caring about anything anymore. How could I when my own beloved Alice was too scared to visit me in case she might suck me dry? How could anything ever be alright again? She was terrified to hurt me, terrified she could kill me, terrified that I could die. I loved her more than anything.

I didn't notice Carlisle slip from the room, nor the look of pure anguish written on his features as he left, but the next time I looked around the room, I was alone.

--

A/N- What do you think? I'm hoping that your lovely reviews will spur me into writing- I know for sure that the more reviews I get then the faster I will write and the faster I write then the quicker I'll have a new chapter out- isn't that encouragment enough? And, oh, did you see that twist coming? :p


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